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The Lighter Side...Little Known "Dialect Clause" Prohibits Free Use of "You'se Guys" ThereofA Constitutional law that had, until now, received little notice reads:
Fearful of the uppity English grammar they had earlier fled, settlers had insisted on the inclusion of the little known Dialect Clause. Written into the Constitution by Philadelphians desirous that a National dialect would not snuff out "you'se guys", they found a kinship with Southern States, eager to preserve "you all", and "ya' hear?". Constitutional scholars agree that, for the first hundred years, the clause succeeded in protecting the States from a uniform National dialect, and dialects in the States flourished, free from federal interference. Recently, however, the Court interfered by applying the anti-slavery Fourteenth Amendment to the Dialect Clause, and granted to citizens the dialectal freedom formerly reserved to the States. It happened when a Massachusetts man quietly filed a federal lawsuit complaining that his little daughter had begun imitating the teacher, saying "ah" when she intended to say "I', identified by her dad as the clear use of a state sanctioned Bostonian accent in violation of the Constitution's Dialect Clause, which forbade Congress from establishing a uniform dialect. Although no accent was required by the school, her dad alleged in the complaint that other kids use of a dialect had influenced and traumatized his daughter. Armed with the mighty Constitution with it's all important amendment prohibiting the states from passing any law abridging the rights of United States citizens, the man, stood before and argued his case to the highest court in the country. Building his case on an earlier Court judgment that has set a precedent for protecting school prayer from the government by applying United States law directly to the states, he morphed the ban against Congress into a prohibition against state and local government, so that "the states 'shall make no law establishing dialect, nor prohibiting the free use thereof'". "What is good for religion is good for dialect, both of which are protected from government interference by the Constitution, argued the man, speaking with a distinctly imported California dialect in the Eastern Coast capitol, and cited Thomas Jefferson's famous letter to the Irish English Language Fluency Society which spoke of a "Wall of Separation" that must be erected between government and vocabulary, so that citizens will be free to speak in whatever dialect they desire, or not speak using no dialect if they'd rather, free from a fear of government intrusion, said the man.. Argued was not just that the teacher had violated the Constitution's dialect clause, but also did the kids, because the school had required them to recite oral reports before the class, with their distinct dialect established by the state. In a split decision, the Court, five members of which had been appointed by a California president, found against the school, agreeing that the little girl's constitutional right to be free of an established dialect had been violated, taking special note of the man's argument of the framers desire to divorce dialect from the state, to preserve dialects forever. The dissenting opinion did not dispute the constitutional protection of dialect from the government, but questioned whether the other student's dialects amounted to an establishing of dialect by the state, and wondered if a prohibition on dialect might have a dampening effect on the protected speech.. With citizens now unrestrained in exercising the free use of dialect, schools instructed students never to say "you'se guy's", "ya' all come back now", and "ah" when they mean "I", or to entertain any sort of accent in their speech, to protect their dialects from state interference, and to avoid being expelled from school. Individual dialects flourished like brisk under ripe tomatoes plucked early in season, with children free to sharply say "yes", "no", and a few other words in clear straight terms. Fondly embraced by citizens, it came be called "newspeak", in a Nation now uniformly and consistently void of dialect, for the furtherance of the Court's version of the intent of the nation's founders. --States Liberty Party, July 9, 2002, modified 7/28/02
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