The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco outlawed the interstate freeway system after a lone hiker proved that it violated his First Amendment right prohibiting Congress from establishing religion.
"I worship hiking", said the breathless hiker, "and the interstates deny me of my right to freely exercise".
The Court, noting that they had little choice but to ban the nearly half a century old freeway system, wrote in their judgment "'hiking' is identical to 'Zeus', 'Pythagoras', and 'Rasputin', with respect to worshipping, and must be considered to be a religion."
A White House spokesperson said he will take a jackhammer to the interstates to comply with the law, and will turn the pieces over to the States.
Jogging advocates vowed to take this fight to the States, saying: "every street and every lane is a different religion, and each one denies us our free exercise".
Legal scholars believe the 9th Circuit Court may just agree.